Should I spend Christmas with a dying dad or supportive family?
Tags:adult advice, birthfather, last christmas, primary pulmonary hypertension, separate ways,
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My father was never concerned during all. My relatives were teenagers as well as went apart ways. He treated with colour her bad, was bending upon drugs, as well as he attacked her parent’s house. Im twenty right away as well as not long ago found him as well as he wants a relationship. We have been removing to know eachother for 7 months now. He is additionally failing from initial pulmonary hypertension as well as fundamentally his physique is shutting down upon him. He is in a sanatorium right right away as well as is anticipating to be out soon. The complaint is which this will be my initial as well as presumably final christmas with him, though my mother has me feeling so guilty about articulate to him i can’t even insist it to her. we have a tighten family as well as Yuletide is special to us. But should i outlay this time with my birthfather instead of a family who HAS been there for me a past twenty years?? Please someone assistance me…I need mature, adult advice…
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Spend it with your father. You will never have that moment again; and the fact that you are even questioning it means that your spirit is convicted about the matter. He his definitely paying for all of his past mistakes and does not need that thrown at him right now. The Bible says God is our final judge. We are to live as Jesus did on earth. It is not easy but we have to do it. If you don’t go and he passes, you will regret it and possibly even resent your family for choosing for you. I say go and deal with the healthy and living later. They have suffered some crazy things by your father’s hand, but who are we to judge? I am not just talking, I have lived this. How can people hold the thought of Christmas so dear to them and miss what the day is truly all about? The birth of Jesus Christ himself and all that he represented……he died for ALL of us; no matter what we have done or may do. Are we above Him? sorry if I sound like I am preaching…..I am just so serious. This is how I had to live through my very similar situation. Good luck and God bless.
Christmas hasn’t been that important to him before so I would say spend it with your family and go see the next day
wow, thats a tough one. honestly, if it’s going to be the last christmas your father will be alive for, i’d spend it with him. even though he doesn’t win the father of the year award, he’s at least trying now. just think, next year around christmas would you rather know that he spent his last christmas in a hospital room with you? or that he spent his last christmas in a hospital room alone? i think you should spend it with him. otherwise, you might feel guilty for not spending it with him later.
well i think that you can spend some time there with family and spend evening with your dad. well its sad and i am not that forgiving either. but heck he did what he did and hes stuck with it. there is no right or wrong. its your mom wrong for making you feel guilty. i mean hey he is family to hes dying and you know it. he will be gone and lost to you forever and therefore a few hours of your time is ok. you know he did what he did cause he couldn’t stop that is what it is. if you have ever had dealing with drinking people then you will know. drugs also there are some people that can’t stop even if they would like to. they are hostage to this stuff. so you didn’t have to deal with him when he was really bad lucky for you but hes your dad and i say spend some time with him split the day up and go. take care and have a good day and tell your mom shame on you. take care.
I would spend it with your dad. This is just my opinion and obviously no better than anyone else’s, but this could be the last Christmas you can spend with him ever. Do you want to miss out on that chance? I know it hurts to do this to the family members who’ve been there for you the whole time, but you can spend every day with them and if they’re supportive eventually they’ll come to understand the way you feel. Hope it all works out! Goodluck.
I can’t think of one good reason why you should spend Christmas with your father.
Do it anyways!!
If your family is really supportive, they will understand that you may need to spend this time with your dad. His time could be short, and tho he has done things in the past that were not favorable…he is now dying and reaching out. I think it would be best if you split the day between him and your family if possible, but if not possible, then let your fam know you love them, but feel the need to be there for your dad this year.
that’s a hard question well if you do finally want a relation ship i’d go se him i mean our family will bet there next year
and you may never forgive your self
Well you will always have your supportive family.. there have been and there will be a lot more Christmases you can spend with them. But your father is dying and he needs you. He is trying to redeem himself and needs you more than ever .. so don’t neglect him. Your mother will come around.. she may be angry now but you did mention that she supports you and eventually she will come to understand your actions. But if you don’t spend the last christmas with your father you never know, you may regret it.
Go be with your dad.I hope he gets right with the LORD.
Maybe he will, but it’d be a shame if he died alone.Yes he has done some rotten things hon, but is he sorry for them?
If we dont forgive others, GOD wont forgive us.Once he is dead thats it, you wont see him again in this life.
Tell your mom she shouldnt have picked him to make YOU with and this problem would not exist.This is just as much your mom’s fault as it is his.
IF i were you i would spend the christmas w/ your father. My father passed away a couple of years ago and i barely got to spend time with him. If he can’t make it at least someone close to him was right beside him. If you don’t then you might feel guilty for the rest of your life. A person only has one life to live and your father might not see you accomplish things he wants to see. Do yourself and him a favor and spend the Christmas with him. I think if your family is supportive than they will let you.
hell, i’d spend my dad’s last christmas with him even if he cut off my finger!
i guess just because he’s my dad.
Honestly if I was in the position (and I do have an estranged relationship with my birth father) I’d have to say I’d spend it with him. Death is a finality. You can’t go back and change your mind if you regret it later. My family also does not support my trying to build a relationship with my father. He was horribly abusive to them. He has changed in his old age though. If in that situation I would tell my mother how I was feeling. I have told her I feel disloyal to her for building a relationship with him and I know she’d be upset if I chose to spend the holidays with him but I would explain that being his last it would be important to me to be there with him. Good or bad I couldn’t imagine one of my parents spending the holiday in a hospital, dying, and alone.
I hope whatever your decision you find peace in knowing it was what was best for you and what you felt was right. Do what’s in your heart and just let the others deal with it. Best of luck.
You will never get another chance to spend X-Mas with your dad if this is his last. You however still have your supportive family to support you still and many more christmases to spend with them. Don’t let your mom or family make you feel guilty about what happened between them or because he was never there to support you. Its not your fault, your parents made their individual choices to do what they did. If they hate each other, don’t take sides. Just do whats best for you. Make your own choices because you will live by your choices in the future. Forgiveness is what you have a chance to show your dad even though he was never in your life. We all do things we sometimes regret. Nobody is perfect. And sometimes all we want is the chance to take it all back and start afresh..since we don’t always get that, we seek forgiveness for the bad we’ve done to others. Maybe your dad wants this chance to seek your forgiveness. Its up to you though..the choice is yours. I pray that whatever choice you make you will find peace with yourself. Peace be with you and have a Merry X-Mas.
You might regret it if you do not spend Christmas with your father. Since you are getting to know him and he is dying you should spend as much time as possible with him if that is what you want. Tell your mother to lay off. She does not have to understand. You have a right to know your father. It took you a long time to find him and now he is going to be gone. You can still celebrate the holidays with your family. Do not let anyone quilt you into doing what they want you to do. You have to put your foot down or this will continue for life. Decide what you want and tell them that is what you are going to do. Tell them that it is not open for discussion. You are going to do many things in life that others are not going to agree with and they will try to give you a hard time. Do not let them. You need to be true to yourself and do what is best for you. No one will make sure that you are happy if you do not do it yourself. Only you can say what that is. Regret is hard to live with and cannot be fixed later. Good luck to you.
With hesitation or a second thought I think you should spend this last Christmas with your dying dad. If you feel in you heart that this is something you want than by all means listen to your heart or you will always wonder if you did the right thing. Don’t feel guilty if you spend it with him because of mom. It is impossible for you to feel the same as her and she should understand that. I had much the same situation between my parents. They have both passed. You’ll never have this chance again to say hello and good bye. Saying that last good bye is very important for YOU. It does not mean you condone what he did to your mother and you. It’s YOUR closure which you never had a chance to do and you need to do this for your piece of mind. Maybe she’ll understand if you explain it like that. Other wise you may end up resenting your mom and up sit with yourself for not doing what you feel is right. I lost my Father, Mother, Sister and Brother all with in months of each other. I certainly do understand. If you want to be with dad because it is important to YOU, then do it no matter what. Thank God you’ll get to spend many more Christmases with mom and family. I’m now 50 years old and didn’t get to say good bye to my father.
Think of it this way – regardless of what your mother and siblings have done for you – he’s still your dad. If you don’t do what your heart tells you to do – would you feel bad if he suddenly dies and you’re not there and there’s no closure to all the hurts he’s done unto you and the rest of the family? Hanging on to old grudges no matter how hurtful they were is not going to affect your dad anymore but it will affect your life for a long time. Do what you think is right and just tell your supportive family that there’s a time for anger and a time for forgiveness – no matter how awful your father was, everyone needs to be forgiven and you need to forgive in order to move on. Its the right thing to do.