FELLOW PARENTS ! How should I handle this situation ?
Tags:acid reflux disease, benefit of the doubt, friend mike, gertrude, one saturday,
5
Here’s the incident – Gertrude as well as we used to be tied together . Now we’re divorced, as well as we have an twelve — year — aged son, Ben . Ben lives with his mother, as well as customarily spends the week end during my place . Every Friday, we call him up as well as ask him if he’s entrance over . Almost each Friday, he says “I don’t feel as well great !” .
A couple of weeks ago, we called him up upon Friday afternoon as well as asked him if he was entrance over . He pronounced “I don’t feel as well great !” . The subsequent day, we walked over to Gertrude’s residence to see if he longed for to come over . Nobody was there, so we walked to the store Gertrude’s crony runs to see if Ben was there . we additionally attempted to call him multiform times via the day .
My crony Mike says “You’re operative as well tough to get him over to your residence !” . we do not know since we went to so most difficulty seeking for him as well as job him up which the single Saturday . Probably when the single thing didn’t work, we attempted something else, as well as we wound up we do some-more than we approaching .
Gertrude doesn’t feed Ben as well great . Gertrude’s thought of the great diet is the single greaseburger after an additional . Mike says “His mom doesn’t feed him as well good, so he’s not expected to have the appetite to go upon vacation !” . THIS weekend, Ben came over upon Friday night, though he left Saturday sunrise since he pronounced his poison reflux mildew is bothering him . we can’t assistance being questionable . we wish to take his word for it as well as give him the good of the doubt, though I’d rsther than not learn him which fibbing functions .
I know kids go by the theatre where they’d rsther than not cling to around the “old fogeys” . If that’s what Ben’s starting through, I’d rsther than he pronounced so instead of creation all these excuses . we don’t know for certain if Ben even has poison reflux mildew . It’s probable which Ben’s creation up these excuses to gangling my feelings . If that’s the case, it’s not working, since my feelings have been still removing harm .
I’m roughly ready to stop job him each Friday afternoon . Mike says we can during slightest discuss it Ben “You know where we am when we wish to come over !” . Mike additionally pronounced “Walking all over locale seeking for Ben as well as perplexing to call him up via the week end is operative as well tough !” . The day we did all that, we didn’t design to do which most .
Should we lay down with Ben as well as discuss it him “If we don’t wish to come over, contend so … as well as if you’re here, as well as we wish to go home, contend so !” ? Should we stop job Ben upon Friday afternoon ? Is on foot around locale seeking for Ben as well as creation all these phone calls operative as well tough ? Should we take Ben to the alloy as well as have him checked for poison reflux mildew ? What should we do ? Thank we in allege for your answers .
Related solution post:
I’m going to try and keep my answers sweet and short. Yes, stop calling your son, looking for him and chasing him but don’t tell Ben you’re going to stop. Sooner or later, Ben is going to ask you why you haven’t been calling and you can just honestly say, "I didn’t want to pester you and wanted it to be your decision to come over on your own." However, if you want to find out if he’s lying or if you want an opportunity to be with your son, yes, take him to the doctor’s. Tell him as your parent you’re concerned for his health and almost "baby" him about his health. However, if you do want to be a little tricky and try something and if you do get to talk to him occasionally, plan exciting day trips that your son would want to go on, tell him about it, and if he doesn’t come, still go on the trip, take pictures, buy him a souvenir and let him know he was missed. Don’t make a big deal of it, but after doing this a few times and it’s really things he would want to do, then he’s going to be asking to come over. Make sure you know his interests. Going to a play or puppet show isn’t going to impress him. Going to a skateboarding event and picking up an autograph of one of the skateboarders and maybe a cool t-shirt will (just an example, obviously, whatever he likes). Hope I helped somehow!
honesty will be the best way to take this situation. You said yourself you didnt want to promote lying. So next time you get the chance, sit down with him and Calmly talk to him. You dont want to blow up because you are upset. Tell him that it hurts you that he has to lie to get away, tell him you understand that its not as fun hanging out with "old fogeys" at his age, but you would prefer he took the honest route with you instead of making excuses. If you tell him you understand his point of view, it will make your argument a lot easier. Good luck!
Mike is right, you are working too hard. Maybe offer to Gertrude to take him to the doctor about this "reflux" business. If he has acid reflux disease, he shouldn’t be eating greaseburgers!! He may be spending lots of time with friends at this age, which is ok. So just tell Ben you love him and enjoy your time together on the weekends, but it’s alright if he wants to see his friend’s too. Tell him you understand, even if you don’t. Let him know that honesty is the best policy and you just want to see him happy. Maybe offer to do something fun rather than sitting around at your place one weekend. But yes, don’t call him every Friday…tell HIM to call YOU if he is coming over. If he doesn’t call for a few weekends, leave it alone and call him out of the blue sometime at least to ask how he is.
I remember when I was 12 I didn’t want to be around my mom or dad. I just wanted to hang out with my friends, stay in my room play videos games and run a masturbation marathon while looking at my moms Sears catalogue
I’m not a parent, but I have some ideas:
It is possible that he has some sort of side-effect from eating poorly (I’m not a doctor, so I wouldn’t know). You should consult a doctor with Gertrude, but if she’s not willing to cooperate, take Ben to see a doctor next time he visits.
It is also possible that he is just making it up. Many of my friends have gone through terrible divorces, and during which they attach themselves to the parent they see most and can be manipulated by the parent. For example, when my friend’s parents divorced, he began siding with his mom on everything and repeating the terrible things she would tell others about her ex. My theory is that she is telling Ben stuff about you that is making him not want to come over, like "he doesn’t really want to see you" or something like that. I do suggest asking him casually why he doesn’t come over as much. I think it’s sad to see a parent who truly does love his son but cannot see him because the other parent is being immature.
I wish you the best of luck.