Comments on: Does this make you want to read on? (First draft. And I know the grammars not good. But remember.First draft!) http://nxus.net/does-this-make-you-want-to-read-on-first-draft-and-i-know-the-grammars-not-good-but-remember-first-draft.html Solution to your Niche Question Sat, 15 Oct 2011 00:02:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: YoDaveG http://nxus.net/does-this-make-you-want-to-read-on-first-draft-and-i-know-the-grammars-not-good-but-remember-first-draft.html/comment-page-1#comment-5969 YoDaveG Tue, 09 Feb 2010 02:48:36 +0000 http://nxus.net/does-this-make-you-want-to-read-on-first-draft-and-i-know-the-grammars-not-good-but-remember-first-draft.html#comment-5969 Hmmm--Phil must put up with Raymond for some reason. This is a nice and intriguing start. You have created many threads and lots of details. Maybe too many for a short story. Can you simplify it a little? Simple is good. Hmmm–Phil must put up with Raymond for some reason.

This is a nice and intriguing start. You have created many threads and lots of details. Maybe too many for a short story. Can you simplify it a little? Simple is good.

]]> By: justj0sh1ng http://nxus.net/does-this-make-you-want-to-read-on-first-draft-and-i-know-the-grammars-not-good-but-remember-first-draft.html/comment-page-1#comment-5970 justj0sh1ng Tue, 09 Feb 2010 02:48:36 +0000 http://nxus.net/does-this-make-you-want-to-read-on-first-draft-and-i-know-the-grammars-not-good-but-remember-first-draft.html#comment-5970 yea, i would read on. yea, i would read on.

]]> By: bus driver http://nxus.net/does-this-make-you-want-to-read-on-first-draft-and-i-know-the-grammars-not-good-but-remember-first-draft.html/comment-page-1#comment-5971 bus driver Tue, 09 Feb 2010 02:48:36 +0000 http://nxus.net/does-this-make-you-want-to-read-on-first-draft-and-i-know-the-grammars-not-good-but-remember-first-draft.html#comment-5971 Ok. seems a bit short on the restaurant part. The rest seems to be fine and it conveys the point. Makes you want to strangle the boss. Keep up the good work! Ok. seems a bit short on the restaurant part. The rest seems to be fine and it conveys the point. Makes you want to strangle the boss. Keep up the good work!

]]> By: Jenni http://nxus.net/does-this-make-you-want-to-read-on-first-draft-and-i-know-the-grammars-not-good-but-remember-first-draft.html/comment-page-1#comment-5972 Jenni Tue, 09 Feb 2010 02:48:36 +0000 http://nxus.net/does-this-make-you-want-to-read-on-first-draft-and-i-know-the-grammars-not-good-but-remember-first-draft.html#comment-5972 I want to know what happens!!! Write more, please? I want to know what happens!!!
Write more, please?

]]> By: Edward J http://nxus.net/does-this-make-you-want-to-read-on-first-draft-and-i-know-the-grammars-not-good-but-remember-first-draft.html/comment-page-1#comment-5973 Edward J Tue, 09 Feb 2010 02:48:36 +0000 http://nxus.net/does-this-make-you-want-to-read-on-first-draft-and-i-know-the-grammars-not-good-but-remember-first-draft.html#comment-5973 Eh the Intro is a bit soft I stopped from there and skimmed most of the draft. I don't know if it is a story but it is ok. Eh the Intro is a bit soft I stopped from there and skimmed most of the draft. I don’t know if it is a story but it is ok.

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